A Near Victory

Before I moved to Colorado (nearly four years ago), I think the longest I ran was two laps around the middle school basketball court during gym class. Moving to Boulder brought about new things like mountain scenery, obscenely liberal politics, and an opportunity to burn more calories in one hour than I would in several weeks of east coast living. And oh yeah, it brought about the chance to run in the World's largest 10 kilometer road race - errr, something like that.
This year's Bolder Boulder took place on Memorial Day in some pseudo-city on the Front Range. Almost 45,000 juiced up runners took to the streets of Boulder to run a race that would eventually be won by Berhanu Adanne who took a red-eye from his native Ethiopia and choppered in to the starting line. Actually, he probably lives here or something.

Though I've since moved to the lovely Vail Valley, I was able to chopper down (separate from Berhanu) to the also lovely foothill paradise of Boulder. (I actually drove, but I really need a chopper for stuff like this) This town was an absolute zoo (people not panda bears). I had to park three miles away from the start and then take an excruciatingly painful shuttle ride through a town that, on this day, consisted of more New Balance footwear than tie-dyed hacky sacks.

For the majority of this bus trip, I was nearly certain of missing my starting time. In which case, I would have to run in a later heat and wouldn't be credited the time between my heat and the one in which I actually began the race. If I missed that time, Berhanu and his Ethiopian buddies would totally kick my ass and I would have no way of winning the 2006 Bolder Boulder!

I begged the bus driver to let me out when we were stuck in traffic about two blocks from the start but he cited strict guidelines from the big wigs at the bus station that he couldn't let me off. After giving him my sob story about the chance of not etching my name in Bolder Boulder history, I realized Boulder was a city that priding itself in sticking to guidelines, rules, and regulations, so the decision was made not to push the issue. The bus doors finally swung open and I sprinted for the start of the largest 10 kilometer race in the World - err, something like that.

You're mine, Berhanu!

Unfortunately, getting to the starting line in time for the gun to sound was the only victory I would obtain on Memorial Day 2006. Though my attempt at capturing the title was valiant, I was edged out by a narrow margin of 22 minutes 10 seconds. Berhanu ran an impressive 29 minutes 37 seconds, so I'll leave you to do the math; just don't forget to carry the one.



Jog, run, sprint, or chopper your way over to your computer and email John Poole at poolejohn@gmail.com

Put Up a Fence to Keep All the Mexicans Out

In light of all this talk about the proposal by the United States to build a fence across the entire Mexican border, I thought up a little jingle to sum up the situation. So here’s the world premier of “Put Up a Fence to Keep all the Mexicans Out” (sing along to the tune of Ani Difranco’s “Paved Paradise”).


They put up a fence to keep all the Mexicans out.
With big steel posts, some barbs, and a swingin’ front gate.
Don’t it really make some sense,
When we can’t think up something more than a fence.
They put up a fence to keep all the Mexicans out.

They took some illegals and put ‘em to work down there.
And they paid those folks a dollar and half to do it.
Don’t it make you want to fight,
When those folks in Congress, they, they just might.
Put up a fence to keep all the Mexicans out.


So you can now say you heard it here first when this song is top on the charts and the US is half-way through a several billion dollar stint of building a fence from the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific Ocean, that will of course be largely built by illegal immigrants.

Now, I don’t know much about the problem of illegal immigration (if it is a problem) or the potential for terrorists invading our country through Mexico, but I do know that this is an archaic, self-centered, insecure, and lazy way to address a problem that may or may not exist. I guess we figure that the Great Wall of China was a decent idea in 500 B.C., so why wouldn’t something similar work in 2006? In this day and age of technology, communication, transportation, and canned foods that have a shelf-life of twenty-five years, can’t we come up with something better than a damn fence? I thought you build a fence to keep your neighbor’s lawn clippings out of your yard; and you usually don’t get an invite to their next dinner party.

Mr. President did say that it would be the most technologically advanced fence in the world. I guess it will have those doors that open and close automatically from the middle, like in Star Trek. Or maybe it will have some automated female voice with an English accent saying, “Scram! Scram!” when someone gets within half a mile.

He's probably also banking on the fact that the Mexican pole vaulting team won't make a spririted attempt at running for the border.

I used to build a wall of pillows in the backseat of the car to keep my little brother from bothering me during long car trips. I was ten.

If the wall idea somehow fails to pass, perhaps we could build a moat filled with hungry alligators with a big drawbridge in Tijuana. There could be border patrol on the other side firing flaming arrows and catapulting rocks at any potential trespassers.

I wonder what Ani Difranco would think of all this?

Pumping Our Life Away

If I hear one more blessed soul complain about the price of gas I'm going to....well, I'm probably going to do nothing, but if I did it would probably involve something without the use of fossil fuel. I guess I'm guilty as well.

Ok fine, gas prices are a nuisance. You got me there, but is it really that bad? I think I'd hear less complaining about the sun burning out, or a 30% drop in Vail Valley real estate prices. Well, I suppose that if real estate dropped that much there would be less complaining and more scenes of folks throwing themselves out of the third story window of their depreciated mountain home into the rioting streets. But honestly, does our "addiction to oil" (I heard that somewhere) really make us more irritable than a John Daly when he can't find a seat at the blackjack table? This is evidently the case.

For all you people that have pangs of agony every time you drive your suburban from your house in Eagle to your job in East Vail (is living closer to work an option?), I share the story of Dave Givens, an electrical engineer who drives a 7 hour round-trip from his home in Mariposa, CA to his job in San Jose. Mr. Givens won an award for "America's Longest Commute" given out by some organization that thinks awarding this kind of behavior may in some way be beneficial.

I have to ask: What is up with this dude?

Dave Givens claims that his family is happier in their ranch house in Mariposa while he spends 35 hours a week in his car. I think his kids are happier without a father and his wife is happier shagging the mailman.

I wonder if good 'ol Dave from Mariposa ever utters a little comment about the, shall we say, escalation of prices at the pump?

Maybe he's just happy the sun hasn't burned out.