What's a legume?
Do you ever run into someone you know at the grocery store? Of course you do. And as I’m sure you know, the experience is always just slightly less than spectacular. If it’s just an acquaintance you may just give a light “hello” and go on with your grocery gathering, hoping they don’t slow down their cart in anticipation of conversation. Or perhaps you see someone you know rather well, or worse used to know rather well. In this situation you better pull the emergency brake on the ‘ol rattle wheel Cadillac and nestle in for a long grocery store conversation. And I don’t want anyone to deny ever pulling the “duck into the nearest god forsaken aisle” move in an effort to avoid small-talk. This move is particularly distressing because you then have to walk around tense with anxiety and fear of this person popping up next to you in the self-checkout. If this occurs just pop an Ativan that you just picked up at the pharmacy and enjoy the ride.
“I thought that was you! You kinda ducked into the dog food aisle back there, I never knew you as much of an animal person. What kind of pets do you have?”
“Ahhhhh, well I was kind of just browsing the aisle. My girlfriend has a few dogs and a couple cats and it’s really weird what they put in pet food these days. I heard that grocery store pet foods were bad for our little buddies so that’s why I didn’t get any.”
“You have a girlfriend?”
So grocery store conversations can get pretty bad for sure, but if you somehow weasel your way out of one with a little, “I think the deli’s gonna close soon,” or, “Did I just hear them call a super saver special in aisle 5?”, you’re in the clear, right? Unfortunately, not. The crazy thing about a grocery store is that to see someone just once in a trip is rather unlikely. Crazy huh? You’re bound to run into them again as you wander around. So what do you say when you see them for the second time after you’ve already had a delightful chat.
“Hey, stop following’ me, he he he.”
Or how about my personal favorite, “Prices aren’t what they used to be in here, ya know?” You gotta say something that people don’t really want to respond to. It ain’t easy.
I’ve always heard that the grocery store is a good place to meet people. You know, like “meet” people. I don’t buy this. Personally, I’ve never spoken to anybody I didn’t know at the grocery store besides the lunch meat slicer, the check-out clerk, and the occasional fish guy. So what would your line be to an attractive stranger at the meat market (no pun of course)?
“Have you ever tried the asparagus here?” Always a winner.
Or, “Do you know the difference between romaine and red-leaf lettuce?” Like anybody knows that one.
Of course you could go for the home run with, “Maybe we could push our carts over to my place and boil some potatoes.” That’s a good one right?
So the next time you see an old mate in the grocery store, be nice, say hello, maybe even complain about the price of wheat bread, but whatever you do, keep the frickin’ cart moving.
Duck into the cosmetics aisle and email John Poole at poolejohn@gmail.com
“I thought that was you! You kinda ducked into the dog food aisle back there, I never knew you as much of an animal person. What kind of pets do you have?”
“Ahhhhh, well I was kind of just browsing the aisle. My girlfriend has a few dogs and a couple cats and it’s really weird what they put in pet food these days. I heard that grocery store pet foods were bad for our little buddies so that’s why I didn’t get any.”
“You have a girlfriend?”
So grocery store conversations can get pretty bad for sure, but if you somehow weasel your way out of one with a little, “I think the deli’s gonna close soon,” or, “Did I just hear them call a super saver special in aisle 5?”, you’re in the clear, right? Unfortunately, not. The crazy thing about a grocery store is that to see someone just once in a trip is rather unlikely. Crazy huh? You’re bound to run into them again as you wander around. So what do you say when you see them for the second time after you’ve already had a delightful chat.
“Hey, stop following’ me, he he he.”
Or how about my personal favorite, “Prices aren’t what they used to be in here, ya know?” You gotta say something that people don’t really want to respond to. It ain’t easy.
I’ve always heard that the grocery store is a good place to meet people. You know, like “meet” people. I don’t buy this. Personally, I’ve never spoken to anybody I didn’t know at the grocery store besides the lunch meat slicer, the check-out clerk, and the occasional fish guy. So what would your line be to an attractive stranger at the meat market (no pun of course)?
“Have you ever tried the asparagus here?” Always a winner.
Or, “Do you know the difference between romaine and red-leaf lettuce?” Like anybody knows that one.
Of course you could go for the home run with, “Maybe we could push our carts over to my place and boil some potatoes.” That’s a good one right?
So the next time you see an old mate in the grocery store, be nice, say hello, maybe even complain about the price of wheat bread, but whatever you do, keep the frickin’ cart moving.
Duck into the cosmetics aisle and email John Poole at poolejohn@gmail.com
posted by John Poole at 9:02 PM
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