Mr. Rogers and eye fungus
When a much more creepy version of Mr. Rogers confessed last week to killing JonBenet Ramsey I immediately got excited about crafting a blog that would brilliantly debunk his confessions and effectively call bullshit on a wanna-be murderer. However, only a few days after the arrest, its almost common knowledge that this guy is no more of a killer than his good buddy Big Bird. So now it is not even worth an entire posting on this idiot - it's only worth half. He already has all the media attention and celebrity status he so strongly desired (not to mention king prawns and champagne) and I guess he'll now have half my blog - but that's it.
The first and most compelling reason why Mr. Rogers is a liar is that Patsy Ramsey killed JonBenet and I even doubt she had an accomplice, but if she did, it sure as hell wasn't Mr. Rogers. There are already inconsistencies in the story of this idiot. And apparently he forgot about his ex-wife who says she was with him during Christmas 1996. That damn ex-wife will get ya every time. He claims that the death was an accident - an accident that involved a brutal beating and strangulation with some rope and paintbrush contraption. And as if there needs to be any more reason to call bullshit here, the handwriting in the ransom note was not a match for Mr. Rogers, but not so surprisingly did match that of Patsy Ramsey. So Mr. Rogers needs to go back to Sesame Street and hang out with Big Bird. But just to be safe - keep the little kids away, far away.
Now that Mr. Koo-Koo has gotten more than enough ink time, it's on to more pertinent topics - like why my right eye hurts so much. I blame it entirely on the use of contact lenses. Since I got these majical eyesight aides about year and a half ago, we've never really gotten along. The thought of sticking a squishy piece of plastic in my eye was (and still is) less appealing to me than being gouged with a pitchfork. However, I persevered. I spent hours (ok minutes) in front of the mirror every day messing with these things that made me see clearly without the other kids calling me four-eyes (almost worth it).
My disgust for the removal and insertion of contact lenses bred shear laziness on my part. That's right, it's the lens' fault - not mine. I started leaving my contacts in for days at a time, and sometimes weeks. Is this why my eye hurts? Or maybe it's because I'm certain that I've lost at least a half dozen lenses in my eye. These damn things roll behind my eyeball and are then lost forever. I'm hoping one day they will all pop out and I can return them to Accuvue for a full refund. That would be an interesting conversation in the least.
To top my experience with improved eyesight off, I had to choose the contact solution from Renu that was recently recalled for evidence of causing eye fungus that leads to irreversible blindness. The wonders of modern medicine are so fantastic.
While this posting resembles a Quentin Tarantino film (minus the vampires), I remain uncertain whether I have too much plastic in my head, eye fungus, or just a big piece of dirt on my cornea. However, I maintain certainty that the Ramsey case is still unsolved.
Give John Poole some false confessions or some weird optical ailment at poolejohn@gmail.com
The first and most compelling reason why Mr. Rogers is a liar is that Patsy Ramsey killed JonBenet and I even doubt she had an accomplice, but if she did, it sure as hell wasn't Mr. Rogers. There are already inconsistencies in the story of this idiot. And apparently he forgot about his ex-wife who says she was with him during Christmas 1996. That damn ex-wife will get ya every time. He claims that the death was an accident - an accident that involved a brutal beating and strangulation with some rope and paintbrush contraption. And as if there needs to be any more reason to call bullshit here, the handwriting in the ransom note was not a match for Mr. Rogers, but not so surprisingly did match that of Patsy Ramsey. So Mr. Rogers needs to go back to Sesame Street and hang out with Big Bird. But just to be safe - keep the little kids away, far away.
Now that Mr. Koo-Koo has gotten more than enough ink time, it's on to more pertinent topics - like why my right eye hurts so much. I blame it entirely on the use of contact lenses. Since I got these majical eyesight aides about year and a half ago, we've never really gotten along. The thought of sticking a squishy piece of plastic in my eye was (and still is) less appealing to me than being gouged with a pitchfork. However, I persevered. I spent hours (ok minutes) in front of the mirror every day messing with these things that made me see clearly without the other kids calling me four-eyes (almost worth it).
My disgust for the removal and insertion of contact lenses bred shear laziness on my part. That's right, it's the lens' fault - not mine. I started leaving my contacts in for days at a time, and sometimes weeks. Is this why my eye hurts? Or maybe it's because I'm certain that I've lost at least a half dozen lenses in my eye. These damn things roll behind my eyeball and are then lost forever. I'm hoping one day they will all pop out and I can return them to Accuvue for a full refund. That would be an interesting conversation in the least.
To top my experience with improved eyesight off, I had to choose the contact solution from Renu that was recently recalled for evidence of causing eye fungus that leads to irreversible blindness. The wonders of modern medicine are so fantastic.
While this posting resembles a Quentin Tarantino film (minus the vampires), I remain uncertain whether I have too much plastic in my head, eye fungus, or just a big piece of dirt on my cornea. However, I maintain certainty that the Ramsey case is still unsolved.
Give John Poole some false confessions or some weird optical ailment at poolejohn@gmail.com
posted by John Poole at 9:21 PM
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